I'm mad.

I'm mad. And I don't even know what to be mad at. Everyone I've ever called a friend? Screw everyone, because this shit hurts, and apparently I'm the one people can forget about or dump on casually because "it's just Jae, he won't mind." Well fuck off I do, and if trying to be nice, civil, even considerate to my friends has earned me this, then I don't want it. Maybe I should be a royal dick, an egotistical self rightous pompous shithead because I'll stand out more. I'll be someone people have to worry about. I'm blue right now, and I don't even know why. I mean really physically blue. And when I asked why? I got an answer that still doesn't make sense to me. And you know what? I don't even care because it pales in comparison to the rest of everything else. I just can't take it now. Not anymore.

I'm tired of being forgotten about.

I'm tired of being the scapegoat.

I'm tired of being dumped on.

But most of all, I'm tired of trying my damdest to turn the other cheek and allowing someone to give me a half-assed apology that changes nothing. Of people just assuming I will do so just because I have before. It hurts assholes. It hurts a lot.

And that saddest part is I don't think this is even going to change the way a lot of you act towards me. And I think that hurts most of all. Just because I try and live by a moral code, I don't feel I deserve to have that thrown back in my face and abused.