I'm mad.

I'm mad. And I don't even know what to be mad at. Everyone I've ever called a friend? Screw everyone, because this shit hurts, and apparently I'm the one people can forget about or dump on casually because "it's just Jae, he won't mind." Well fuck off I do, and if trying to be nice, civil, even considerate to my friends has earned me this, then I don't want it. Maybe I should be a royal dick, an egotistical self rightous pompous shithead because I'll stand out more. I'll be someone people have to worry about. I'm blue right now, and I don't even know why. I mean really physically blue. And when I asked why? I got an answer that still doesn't make sense to me. And you know what? I don't even care because it pales in comparison to the rest of everything else. I just can't take it now. Not anymore.

I'm tired of being forgotten about.

I'm tired of being the scapegoat.

I'm tired of being dumped on.

But most of all, I'm tired of trying my damdest to turn the other cheek and allowing someone to give me a half-assed apology that changes nothing. Of people just assuming I will do so just because I have before. It hurts assholes. It hurts a lot.

And that saddest part is I don't think this is even going to change the way a lot of you act towards me. And I think that hurts most of all. Just because I try and live by a moral code, I don't feel I deserve to have that thrown back in my face and abused.

Sweet!

I just got my work laptop. Yes. I finally have control over a laptop, something I've wanted since I was, well, very young. It's for work yes I know, and it's almost sad that I'm excited more because I can take work home now instead of staying an extra hour as opposed to abusing this thing with fun things.

Hoorah!

And it's looking like I won't have to be here till eight o'clock. Awesomeness. I'll probably stay anyways, but still good times.

Mozart (I think) - Classical 96.3 FM

Yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn

I'm tired not bored. I have 95 airmiles points (Rock tickets are 120! Damn! X-Mas idea by the way people!) The Bruins lost a heart breaker to the damn locals, well, seeing as how I sort of expected the score to be around 4-1 against my boys played their hearts out, and I'm damn proud of them. And the National Smokeless Tobacco Co. thinks my name is Joe Rodgers. Okay which one of you jerks put me on THAT mailer. At least it's the wrong name. But no mail from U of T yet. Which sucks.

Work was long the last two days. Some very interesting meetings to go to. Oh yeah. Fun. Each one meant a hell of a lot more stuff to do afterwards. Oh well, at least Edlyn comes back soon. She being my boss.

One last thing before I go. A lot of my friends are going through really rough times right now. And I'm concerned because a lot of their other friends don't seem to be noticing or if they are aren't caring. So just everyone pay attention to people okay? You may be having the time of your life, but remember that it's sort of like rubbing salt in the already open wound to not at least drag those others along for a good time, or just flaunt your good fortune to those who are down. Just a thought.

God Heather I hope you can get out of that house soon.

Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin

Quickie!

I don't know why I didn't post this weekend, I had plenty of time, it being an actual weekend for me. So real quick before I start working today.

Let's see, what's going on. Austin is now here visiting Maria, so there's that. Yep. Not much to report other then that. Emily and I gave up waiting for them to finish their chicken while we were at the Ferret (I had a Rock Burger, it was rockin'! Wow okay that was bad) so we left, and wow did that waitress take forever on the bill. Not getting it to us, but paying for it went so strangely. Anyways we caught them going to the Ferret around Sussex but I don't feel bad since we'd both sipped away our waters after everything and still waited an extra while before we gave up. But damn the Ferret! They replace the old classic Jukebox (well, classic with cd's) with some crazy touchscreen video jukebox that loves Christina Aguilera, country and pop music way too much. And it's more expensive AND it's at the freakin' front of the place. Our booth is in the borrow at the back. You can see the dilemma! Sillyness! Sheer sillyness!

Ben's working for the Beguiling now, which is good I suppose. Um... yeah that's really all I have to report.

Oh yeah! I'm supposed to come up with a costume for the Halloween bash being thrown by Emily at Ana and Sarah's place. Besides not having a clue as to how I'm going to pull off a costume (what the heck should I even go as?) this week, I'm looking forward to seeing what they do to the place. It's already sort of a dungeony underground for the most part. Should be good.

Any suggestions on costumes? I'm all ears (eyes mostly this being a written medium)!

Your Heart Is An Empty Room - Death Cab for Cutie

(I know, finally another song to write down! Egad it's been a while. Tenel Ka, the travelling music player of JOY is awesomly awesome. And I have to work now it being 12:00pm. )

I suck at leg sex.

That being Tango. Since I never learned it. I only know the basic. But we did Swing at the ballroom class today and I'm good at that so that was fun. More on that later. Now the bed.

But before I go. Henry's Variety rocks hardcore. That place was amazing. And according to Henry, I'm married, which is nice I suppose. In a I sure as hell missed out on all the fun parts if I'm married because I sure missed it. Lol, but hey, at least he dance hall had pictures of a creepy guy copping a feel at a halloween party.

Over and goodnight!

QUOTE THIS!

Today is Oct 21, 2005. Feast of All Saints From every pulpit in the land it needs to be thundered forth that God still lives, that God still observes, ... still reigns. Faith is now in the crucible, it is being tested by fire, and there is no fixed... resting place for the heart and mind but in the Throne of God. What is needed now, as never before, is a full, positive, constructive setting forth of the Godhood of God.

~A. W. Pink~

fyi

Alright, so after hours upon hours of debating with myself, I've finally made a decision. I like boys. Really, I like them a lot. I know some of you might be taken aback by this, some of you might very well be shocked into a state of unconciousness, some of you might have seen this coming, but I just had to get this off my chest.

I should probably have let you know in person, and for that I'm very sorry. It's been difficult to type this, but believe me it was harder to keep this in all these years. I don't find women sexually attractive. I look at girls, I see them, but there's no appeal. Breasts don't look to me like anything but an inconvenience and are really not as attractive as strongly muscled arms that can hold me tight and make me feel safe and loved. A very good looking girl (she was hot by other people's standards) asked me out and all I could think of to say was "I like men, I'm sorry." A female friend once told me she'd date me if I liked women. And if I'm not attracted to her, then that's it, no women for me.

I would also like to take the time to point out my type. Callum Blue is my idea of a hot hot HOT man. Have you ever seen Dead Like Me? Wow. Callum is a great actor, and he's got such a cute ass. Another amazing actor is Charlie Hunnam. He was in the British version of Queer as Folk. h-h-h-h-hot! I'm amazed that more people aren't in love with him. Really. Also: check out Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

Anyways, it's getting very late and Jae needs sleep. Stupid Starbucks. You know, sometimes I just hate working for Starbucks. The early hours are killing me.



































And by "me" I really mean Emily. Not Jae. Emily. (Although- this post was made with the full authorization of Jae Rodgers.)

Sunita's idea of cheering me up.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatpatternisyourbrainquiz/">What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Zombie Jae!

Tomorrow is going to be very very long. I'm going to bed now. Lots to post about though, so check back soon.

Fantasy Hockey?

I just joined a fantasy hockey league. At least I think I did. I made a team, signed up for everything, and hit go. I can't see my team or others yet though. Apparently there's a 'deadline' of sorts (which is coming soon, so if you're going to enter, enter now). Brian's the one who sent me the invite, so we'll see how it goes. Off to the bed now. Had a pretty good day, and tomorrow looks like it's going to be full of stuff to do as well.

Oh and I got 'The Last Starfighter' on DvD. Freakin' AWESOME! Watched it twice already. So, so good.

Bro can cook!

Macaroni Bar and Grill, which some of you may remember from my 'food porn' rant a long time ago, has taught my brother how to cook. Which is sweet since he made me some stuff to eat for when I got here. Here being home by the way. It was really good except for the bits of a broken casserole dish that I bit into, but that had nothing to do with Adam apparently so he still gets 'mad props' if that's still being used by the cool kids these days.

I was supposed to call Heather when I got home but, after being taken to a bar right after the airport, I got in about ten whole minutes ago, so calling her now would be, well rude. Sorry Heb! You'll get your phone call promise!

In other good news, Craig has some goodies waiting for him here now. And Ben is off the hook. Apparently he was under suspicion of stalking the American Consul General to Toronto. Yeah. For this I had to put on pants. Jerk face. For his take on it check out http://finishthejob.blogspot.com

And curse you Sunita for being bad at this game!

All is well once again in the universe for a short while at least, for I am now the proud, oh so proud, probably too proud owner of 'The Last Starfighter', on par with Abraxis as being one of the most badass SciFi films ever created that wasn't made into a series. Oh, the watchings we shall have to have! Ben! Look forward to it! Huzzah!

I also need to thank the Starbucks peeps (especially Mary for the early tips, and Ken for trying to help me out with my schedule) for the support (Mr. Moo, one day all our teams will win and we can talk undepressing sports), Katy for the lunch that got me through to Adam's baked-ish Farfalle and Cheese and Sausage thing pasta that I had tonight. Detroit Metro Airport is shiny, with a monorail, dancing water and all the other big screen trappings of shiny, but there was still no debit or credit and the rudest midwesterners ever (okay that's a lie, well, actually, that was some of the worst customer service I've ever had. And I've been to southern Italy on the off-season in a middle of no-where kinda place) to ask 'may I take your order, and keep saying it even after you've started asking about things on their menu. "Do you take debit", should never be followed by the statements "do you want fries with that" or "mild, medium, or hot on those".....EVER.

Lets see, so many people to see. MK, Hebs, the gaming group, maybe the Burnsie group, and so on. But I'm still looking forward the most to seeing Courtney. God I hope she makes it down.

So tired, to the sleep I go.

GAH!

Why can't anyone win this week! Pats, Sox, Bruins, and hell the Leafs just lost too! GAH!

The Ferret is quite the rowdy place these days, perfect for the sporting events. Good thing it's close too.

Three is too few for the shootout, five would be better. Then it's a line on a line, everyone gets a shot. Three is way too few though.

And I have to open tomorrow. Crapola.

Not how I like to wake up on my day to sleep in!

So, I'm sleeping merrily when a knock comes on my door. I get up, look out the peephole in confusion (who the hell visits us that still knocks and doesn't just come in?) and see two women I've never seen before in my life. So all I can say, "give me a minute" and went to put on pants.

I come back, open the door, and am now staring at a badge. And RCMP badge. And all my foggy mind and face still with pillow marks on it can say is, "ummm.... hello?"

God damn it Ben! If you get deported, you're still paying rent! What did you do this time!

So Mr. SPAM, we meet again...

Should I trash the spam, keep it for comic relief, or disable the bots?

Just trash the post and move on. Keep it, it proves that some people are mor pathetic then us! Disable the stupid thing already!

Free polls from Pollhost.com

What is going on with me?

For some strange reason, I'm getting this odd bug to type things. To write. Random no? I think it might have to do with me not being in school this year which has cut down on my typing a lot, but I didn't think I'd ever developed a crushing need to type anything.

Stupid people outside are loud. Stupid stupid people.

I may be getting a job at the Regent Park School of Music, and it sounds like a pretty sweet gig. I'd get to be a liason between parents, kids, and teachers, deal with organizing things, paper work or sorts, a newsletter, and whatnot. Which all sounds pretty cool. Basically I get to deal with people, which is good because I like people. And it will probably give me lots of things to right about here. Katy's Mom is on the board I think (she has influence of some sort, I'm still not sure exactly how) and is who I may or may not get this job through. Thank you Katy for giving them my name! If only the email situation would get fixed. I hate sending emails over the internet, it's been ingrained in me from my Mother's time spent in the office. Oh the rants she could go on about people not getting things done because it was lost in the electronic world when they could have walked twenty feet and talked person to person. North York is further then twenty feet though, and I was told to so I guess it's okay. This time.

I'd talk about Starbucks, but I'm going to sleep now. Someone out there remind me to do that. It's...interesting in a good way. So freakin' busy there. They had to tell me AFTER they'd hired me that it was the second busiest in the world (the first busiest is the rival store which is literally across the street off another branch of the PATH, which is Toronto's underground walkway system for those of you who have scrunched up your eyebrows in confusion), because apparently people have been scared away. I just let myself go mildly insane though and I survive it just fine. Though I'm still way to slow on the bar to be of any use there during a rush, I'm apparently quite 'legendary' (the term they use for overly friendly employee who makes nice with customers) though, they gave me employee of the week and a free lunch my first non training week in, which was kinda cool. I used it to meet Nicole for lunch as she also works downtown (but she gets a desk!).

Hey this post wasn't supposed to be long. See! This urge to type is overwhelming! I need to sleep! But hey, I'm almost 21! Five days! Huzzah!

Damn it Sunita just made me lose!

Oh, and see Serenity. I cannot stress this enough. You're life is a meaningless shell without it. Unless you know, you're too young to understand what's going on. Like my sister Emily. Who's seven. But it was really really really really REALLY good. So good. Okay, no spoilers Jae!

Stupid people outside making lots of noise - The Dumb Jerks of Sussex